Introduction
Trolling for the perfect mate begins. Parading like products on sale to the right bidder; a cyber sales floor. Shelf life getting shorter, expiration dates approaching quickly; Polish, primp, pimp; abs, always abs; shape, Rogaine, scalpel, moisturize, conditioner, exercise, Viagra and condoms, paint up the exterior; do I look fat in this dress? for what? To look good for who? Most don't even like the opposite sex, or have any understanding of them; all a masquerade, driven by the unconscious. Who you looking for? Do you have any idea? Security that doesn't exist in a person that doesn't exist. What are you looking for? Mate, partner, associate, friend, ATM machine, companion, father, dominating, pool boy, status junky, king, punching bag, flunky, fuck buddy, hero, partner in avoidance, miracle worker, errand boy, maid, princess, repressive, rogue, Mother Teresa, shaman, salesman, baby sitter, lover, matinee idol, villian,
fool, stripper, shill, unaccountable, sucker, shallow, mother, victim, savior, hooker. Expectations and projections run wild. It all has to fit a fantasy template. It's all make believe. Wouldn't know the perfect mate if they were standing in front of you. How can you find out what you want when you have no idea of who you are? Aging motivates the imperative; who wants to old and lonely? or broke? Who the hell would want to be old if you didn't have to be?
Honest and genuine except when it matters. Loves fireside conversations getting drunk and bitter over a nice Merlot. Great lover, hates sex. Great lover, hates women; Looking for a strong man who likes storms and long walks in the rain; oh, and puppies too; indecisive male with low expectation will accept anyone, but he's got to think about it; I'm as comfortable at a black tie event as I am working on my car shirtless: (abs, always abs; note my photo). Can't tell the difference between bad and good art, why is there a difference? I'm a unique package, sensitive and superficial all at the same time; self help guru looking for someone gullible enough to think he knows what he's talking about; I'm already so happy, all I want is a man to look good and pick up the tab. I'm already so successful and powerful, all I need is a women to fuck; and she better look good while she's doing it. Has kids, love kids, hates kids, wants kids, kids? Who said anything about kids? Allergic to cats, loves dogs; must own dogs; what the hell is it with the dogs? I only drink socially, everyday; Living life and loving it, as if I would know what that is; Great listener, who hears nothing. Easy going dependent looking for a mate for long summer walks and financial security. Control freak looking for neutered male for practical tasks such as heavy lifting and paying the bills. Coddled male looking for a mother substitute, large hips and good cook an obvious plus; Petite and sexy borderline looking for a man to create chaos with, professional income and a high tolerance for frustration required. Alcoholic male needs vulnerable women as babysitter and chauffeur, constant belittlement and abuse, an added benefit, alcoholic father a real must. Trust fund male looking for woman to play mother, must be nursing, salary negotiable. Neutered male seeks women to hold his testicles for him. Self hating male needs someone to be submissive to, light bondage experience helpful; Self important intellectual seeks same for meaningless conversations and non intimate sex; hey mate, let's avoid life together. Brilliant professional man seeks highly codependent woman, preferably with OCD to clean, cook, wash, chauffeur obnoxious brats to play dates, and take constant beration for not doing anything well enough; solid references required. Crack addict looking for crack dealer, will help rob and steal, references preferred; jail time a big plus. Anorexic looking for overly compassionate man to help clean up after her. Highly successful anesthesiologist looking for someone to pass gas with and a long moon lit drive into a bridge abutment. Devout Christian seeks same to spend countless boring hours with in church; ability to reason unnecessary; guilt and shame provided at no extra cost. Fun loving sociopath looking for gullible partner to control and manipulate; hilarious insanity guaranteed. Highly successful control freak needs a mate; gotta control somebody. Self indulgent, egocentric, narcissistic male, self proclaimed, Master of the World, looking for some needy women to buy that line of shit; Impotent power driven lawyer seeks attractive young women to accompany on special engagements; beauty and big tits mandatory; intelligence a real minus, payment at the conclusion of the event. Agnostic and atheist looking for soul mate, should already be self centered and arrogant ; All American male seeks Barbie Doll to look good and shut the fuck up, breast implants mandatory; sexy 40 plus drama queen looking for sucker who thinks she is worth the hassle; high maintenance perfectionist needs mate for arranging clothes, underwear and shoes, cleaning experience a plus, ability to take shit, a real plus; Vapid professional seeks partner for catalog browsing and resentment swapping,
regular Starbucks attendee preferred, let's hate life together over a latte; Cheerie cosmic Virgo princess seeks gentle Leo for midnight cane beatings, restraints and hot oils provided, must love cats; Sexy bi-sexual female seeks anyone; gentle psychopath looking for someone to stalk, high tolerance for anxiety and creepy notes a must, possibility for intermittent violence an added benefit; I'll keep you on your toes and looking over your shoulder; references required; lonely isolated male looking for a high bridge to jump off of or sleep under; Sassy Jehovah's Witness looking for someone for serene mid-day walks in gang infested neighborhoods, religious insanity a priority, reading materials provided at no cost; Victim looking for someone to blame, cause it certainly can't be me; Fun loving cynic needs mate to be the brunt of all his jokes, sense of humor not required, trauma survivors preferred; Resentful CPA looking for a women to do a real number on; Remedy for getting through the day: 2 shots expresso, handful of over the counter antihistamines, half bottle of Nyquil, and a shot of Jameson; works every time; you won't have to feel a thing; repeat every 6 hours.
Description: Who I am.
Smart and sassy, dirty, clever; down to earth, I'll fuck any tradesmen out there; secretary, maid or cleaning lady; power centered male suicidally unhappy with my life; selfish; vegetarian, won't consume animals only people; love my kids, except when they don't do as I say; looking for a man, for what? Fit, sexy; loves adventure, hates women; great listener cause I have nothing to say; confident, ambitious, slim, vegan, intellectual, classy; Pisces, and loving it; a little extra, compulsive exerciser, reactionary, generous, loyal; easy to talk to until you say something I don't like; loving the earth; Looking for a women, for what? Mr Wonderful or Mr. Goodbar; catholic school girl or dominatrix, either one; open minded explorer; untrustworthy, fun-loving; simply being myself, as if I know what that is; good heart, bad soul; passionate, volatile, sex addict; slippery, poet, dishonest , comfortable, artist, undisciplined, chaotic, borderline, sugar freak; anorexic, happy heart; loves money, hates work; Wiccan, and very serious about it; obsessive; impulsive; incendiary; visionary dreamer because reality sucks; Nice guy, as long as it's working for me, then watch your back; I'm all about power and control, just like the car I drive. Big job, little cock; willful, fat ass; crazy; rageful; patient, until I'm not; Prince Charming, hang around awhile, you'll find out just how charming i really am; ambitious? that's loaded, hey? Love to laugh, especially at you; Ball busting career women, busting balls, doing what I was born to do! critical; compulsive; collector of useless things; always approachable, but not that close; overbearing, emotional, Reubenesque; loves Sushi, Thai food and small dogs; manipulative; hurt; looking for that special someone to do what with? Many diverse relationships, I resent all people equally; inflammatory; easy to communicate with, natural ability to fake empathy; kind, honest, depressed, successful, controlling; unappreciated, put upon; smoking, no; drugs, never; drinking, all the time; doctor shopping for pain killers; being cool, always being cool, it's a job in itself; happy with my life, that's why I'm so lonely; independent and self reliant, can't be touched; suicidal; training my son to be nice to women; Why can't men be more like women? Why can't men be women? getting my boy signed to a major league baseball team, he's 7, but really talented; always wondering why men are so stupid; Free-spirited, getting as high as I can, as often as I can; career girl, so you don't matter shit to her; corporate executive, so you don't matter shit to him; loves money and all that comes with it; believing that shopping is a contact sport; with your daughter, a tag-team sport; volunteering for some vacuous cause I don't believe in, but it makes me feel superior to my girl friends; shallow, curious; caring, loyal, cold hearted; generous, when it suits me; vacant, close minded, unconscious; living life fully miserably.
Activities: What I am doing with my life
Sky diving, cooking, fucking; visiting divorce lawyers; paying divorce lawyers; spending time with my family and hating every minute of it; golfing, always golfing; trying to fuck my secretary or hiring a new one; berating my x when ever I see him or her; controlling my children's lives; controlling every one's life ; loving life, worrying about useless things; watching Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew, then calling Dr. Feelgood; going to Bull fights; diving in the Bahamas; gardening; loves to travel, especially on someone else's dime; planning a party, getting drunk; doing my Kegel exercises cause these fucking kids ruined my body; having fun with my life criticizing yours; beating the shit out of my kids; whining to my therapist; making money, as much as I can, as often as I can; spending countless hours working on my lawn; learning to speak French, why? oh yea, so I sound cultured; learning to speak Spanish so I can catch my maid stealing; shape shifting; skinny dipping; faking orgasms; shooting at animals that can't shoot back; raising my son to be terrified of women; working on my abs, bicepts, and traps; doing one-hitters before going into my PTA meetings; trying to have a real orgasm; Watching Kate Plus 8 and wishing her and John were back together even though he's such a dickhead; Going to grad school, cause who wants to get a job; studying Chinese, just in case; putting on a tight halter top and going over to tennis club to show off my new tits; living on the real edge, buying municipal bonds; skiing, can't ski for shit, but I look hot in the outfit; there's alot of guys with money who ski; avoiding responsibility as much as I can; spending money I don't have; shark hunting off the keys; watching porn to get an idea of what a good relationship looks like; filing bankruptcy for the 4th time; starving myself every third day; berating a coworker; practicing the perfect moan or sigh for getting what I want; bitching; trying to avoid my 3rd DUI conviction; looking for the best deal on a hybrid; locking my doors, locking my windows, locking my doors, locking my, oh shit, did I lock the doors? trying to avoid serious venereal disease; saving up for breast implants, the bigger, the better; shopping for a used stripper pole; blaming, hiding, ducking, avoiding all responsibility; conducting a symphony, cause that's how much money I have; measuring all my friends husbands; surfing the net; cheating my expense account;
eating, always too much; loves garage sales, buying someone else's shit and hoarding it, now it's my shit; bitching oh, did I say that already; reading O and People and feeling well informed, cause that's the real truth; living with great style on credit cards; learning to play piano; staying one step ahead of the IRS; dreaming about a lover that doesn't exist; Reading Beverly DeAngelis to find out why men are such assholes and always wrong; Reading Maxim to find out if there is an early warning device for sensing a women's period; Mars and Venus, God's cruel joke; Trying to make men more intimate, as if you would know what to do with them if they were; Drinking, my favorite pastime; watching people get drunk and argue, my second favorite pastime; spending time hating my wife; going to my Pilate's class; watching dogfights; constantly criticzing my children; working off that 1/2 pound I put on over the holidays; smoking pot with my son, he gets the best pot; washing my hands 40 times a day; fist fighting; practicing yoga; taking anti-depressants; buying a gun; meditate on how I can get the world to do what I want; looking to purchase a chocolate factory; getting a tattoo that I'm going to regret next week; full day, goes from caffeine to Valium, and back again; spending time hating my husband; working on a phony disability claim; enjoying getting people fired at work; working on my self loathing and inviting others to do so as well; spending countless hours pretending I know what I'm doing; taking self defense; Reading Playboy for the articles, they got articles? learning to speak Polish so I can yell at my cleaning service more effectively; Riding my Harley trying to pick up fat women, cause they look so good on the back of a Harley; searching through the garbage at my clinic looking for used hypodermics; mood levelers after reading the daily reflection; living life to the fullest, as if I would know what that is; having fun being single because no one can live with me; enjoying my solitude, if it wasn't so damn lonely; on the go, creating chaos somewhere else; enriching my life with unreal expectation; spending money I don't have; entertaining people I dislike so they won't dislike me as much; being a martyr; buying a new vibrator; Watching HSN dreaming about another knockoff handbag from China; Man seeking women to marry down with; fucking the pool boy; lording over subordinates; blowing my son's prof for his grades; reading romance novels; being a better person; being a perfect person; blowing anyone for anything; buying another gun and teaching my wife how to use it (not a good idea); hustling as many women as I can, wherever I can; playing the victim; going to the gym, cause I'm all about the abs; chanting; having my toupee fitted and picking up my new Corvette; spending endless hours at the mall buying useless things in order to make my friends jealous; praying that one day, men will finally change; watching porn, where the real women are; downloading useless crap illegally; refilling my Viagra script; wishing for a life that didn't look so much like hell; donating half my salary to PETA; knitting, I haven't figured out why yet; buying a luxury car every year and painting a penis on the side; over tipping hillbilly waitresses; acting like I'm happy; juggling credit card due dates; having fun inviting the girls over and ripping one of them a new asshole as soon as she leaves; great fun obsessing for hours over a gift for someone I hate; going to job I can't stand; writing my novel; scheduling my cruise dates; climbing Mt. Everest; storing my furs; starting my prostitution business.
Looking For:
A lady, a gentleman; ambitious but controllable; good man, but who wants a good man? someone to share my bitterness and bills with; love his bratty children, hate mine; meaningful relationship, whatever the hell that is; partner to share what with? Guys who like girls, good place to start; Girls who like guys, natural enough; girls who like girls, even better; Partner for long or short term dating or just good old fashioned meaningless fucking; successful diva seeks sycophant; A nice guy, who are you shitting? Nice girl? A lady in public and a whore in bed, if you're lucky; someone to avoid life with; good hearted professional killer; narcissist looking for someone just like him; loves people, hates guacamole; hates people, loves guacamole; someone to pretend with; someone who accepts abuse; guilt ridden, guilt driven; intellectually vacant preferred; must love dogs, insanity, worry, neurosis, chaos, abuse; please no pictures with your shirt off; suspicious of a man who likes cats; heartless to the core; unemotional, a mandatory quality; someone to hurt; What kind of car do you drive? Someone to come home to, if it was only that easy; Someone to be with, as if that would solve all my problems; someone who administers abuse; someone to accept blame; someone to betray; someone to cry over; Mr. Right, Ms.Wrong; pimp with the heart of gold; good looking with a great body ok, but money, real nice; kind, hateful, generous, loving, stupid, helpful, weak, asleep; overbearing and demanding mother or father always preferred; please no pictures if you are fat or ugly; someone to be lonely with; What kind of car was that again? great tits with limited intelligence; married women looking for a married man to pretend affection with; married man looking for a married women to fuck and act like he cares; criminal seeking victim for new crime scene, must have car; toxic male in need of mate for constant admiration and fawning; looking for someone to kick in the balls or slap in the face, either one, but balls preferred, it hurts more; a partner in life for romantic getaways to watch sunsets and sunrises, wouldn't that be nice; someone to be unhappy with; looking for a handsome Black man to see if the stories are true; send me a wink if you think you can handle me; Buddhist practitioner seeks someone to not exist with; I mean you only have one life, why be here for it. Sex addict in need of partner for indiscriminate and lonely sex, desire to avoid self preferred, transportation available; let's have fun getting away from ourselves; seeking a women with alot of money; light hearted depressive seeks untreated bi-polar, so I can be happy at least half the time. Wondering if once my wife will tell me I'm right; and a good man. Wondering if once my husband will tell me I'm smart; and a real women.
Grand parade of the cosmically unconscious.
Looking for a mate that matches my pain; or one that will allow me to avoid it.
It's about the human condition and the loneliness that comes with it. What do we do with that? How do we create meaningful relationships? Are they really that important? I believe they are. How do we escape isolation? How do we fundamentally reach one another? What does love really mean? How do we become more loving? Is that the real goal of this life? I think it is.
Can't find you until I find me. I need to figure out how to do that and where to go to look for me. That's the real journey we are taking. The path towards self knowledge and truth is the path to the spiritual enlightenment, personal acceptance and the place of communion with our humanity that we seek; thus a place of communion in all our relationships as well. The more truth we face, the better our relationships will become. In that quest for truth, the experience of the present moment and the reality of God is also found. It is the only journey that is fulfilling and leads to a true wholeness; it is also the place where all intimate relationship is realized. No one can do it for us. It is a lofty endeavour, but worth the effort. Good luck, God's speed.
Yours in kinship
Mike C.
No comments:
Post a Comment